Rob the Bastard

Rob the Bastard:

I received some sad news on Thursday evening just gone. My friend, of approximately fourteen years, Rob the Bastard, had had a heart attack that morning and passed away. The last time I had seen him was roughly a month before Yule. To use a local expression. He looked as fit as a lop. I'd like to talk a bit about him and in the process me, I guess.

Rob and I met through a mmorpg called 'Everquest' and for whatever reason we ended up becoming friends. Not the kind that's round your house every day or that you go out drinking with every weekend, but the kind where you might not see each other for a year then bump into each other and it's as if no time has passed at all and you just pick things up from where you left off.

His death came as a total shock. He had been living and working in Spain then popping back to do the odd week here and there in his shop back home. I had been due to go in next month, (March 2013), to get a quote for my next tattoo and catch up properly with him. Unless he decides to come back and haunt the shop that won't be happening.

His moniker "Rob the Bastard," is not me being disrespectful. Rob has a certificate up on the wall in the shop, (It's still up, I checked when I popped a sympathy card in for his partner, Caroline, on Monday), from a Japanese tattoo society issued to "Rob the Bastard." He told me he'd picked that because he thought all of his ex-wives, (Four at the final count), thought he was one. But that was Rob, a wicked sense of humour, a strong sense of who he was, and a take-no-shit attitude. I have a very small list of men I respect and trust, and Rob was one of them.

Normally, people trot out lots of trite platitudes at this sort of time. Well at least it was quick, they're in a better place etc. etc. I just wish he was still here and we were going to be sorting out my third tattoo next month.

Always going to miss you Rob, as will everyone else whose life you touched. You were never a bastard to me.

That is all...

Warm Bodies

Warm Bodies:

I was bathing when I wrote this, forgive me if it goes too fast. Apologies, I was watching a documentary about Prince the other day on BBC iPlayer and always fancied paraphrasing one of his lyrics. Although I did actually start writing this while I was in the bath. (Yes, I take a notebook everywhere. No, I'm not a Luddite. I simply can't afford one of those posh, electronic doohickeys to write on.)

Anyway, I digress.

From time to time I take a disabled friend of mine to the pictures (movies). He's in a wheelchair and needs someone with him in case of fire, accident, kidnapping by aliens, whatever. Before you start thinking 'Aw, what a sweet guy Sean is.' I have an ulterior motive. He pays for my ticket. Upside to that is I get to go see the latest movies. Downside, I have to watch whatever he wants to watch. Most of the time that's not a problem as we have very similar tastes when it comes to film, though now and again I have to sit through something I wouldn't have willingly watched otherwise. Don't hate me, but anything by Peter Jackson looks sumptuous, has great actors and production values, but someone on his film crew needs to tell him what the rest of us (if we're honest) all know. Your films are too bloody long, Mr. Jackson. Some judicious cutting and they would rock.

Now where was I? Ah yes, Davey, the gentleman in the wheelchair, and I had both seen a trailer for a film called 'Warm Bodies'. He found it first then shared it with me. I'm working on the script for a very Anglo-centric zombie film, so it's not odd that he would send me the link. I thought the trailer was brilliant. The male lead in it, Nicholas Hoult, is a zombie and the narrator. When we had gotten to the pictures, I had a sinking feeling when I saw it was rated only 12a, i.e. suitable for people 12 and older or younger than 12 if accompanied by an adult. I was also put off by it being described as a romantic comedy. As I rule I normally run a mile from things described as a romantic anything. Now I'm going to say something and I need you to read the whole sentence first before losing it and missing the rest of this post.

Brace yourself, here goes:

'Warm Bodies' does for zombies, what 'Twilight' did for vampires BUT, and it's a big but, in a good way.

The premise of the movie is, at some point a plague overtakes mankind (it deliberately doesn't say what exactly), and people start turning into zombies. As the infection spreads, more and more people get infected. The survivors end up banding together to fight off the undead horde and to protect the last remaining human enclaves. Pretty standard zombie movie fare so far. The difference with 'Warm Bodies' is that a) the zombies can think and b) after a certain point the zombies degenerate into something else. I don't want to give too much away as that would spoil it.

A quick anecdote if I may. Aged 15 my oldest son, Jack, who has Aspergers, was given the choice of seeing the first 'Twilight' movie or the first 'G.I. Joe' movie. Using the logic its got vampires in it, it'll be cool, and not knowing any better, he picked 'Twilight'. He, my youngest son and I entered the darkened theatre, to find the place packed with whispering, teenage girls. As you can imagine this set warning bells going off in my head. I leaned over to Jack and whispered 'Jack son, its a chick flick', (Not very pc I know.), 'Nah Dad, its got vampires in it', he replied. Slowly the lights in the auditorium dimmed and the big, beautiful, silver screen flickered to life. Within the first couple of minutes all of the little teeny-boppers were oohing and aahing, giggles and whispering erupted all around us. Jack straight faced and at the top of his voice looked at me as if he was in physical pain and said, 'Dad, it's a chick flick!' Not bursting out laughing at this point was one of the hardest things I've ever done. We did stay until the end but it was slow torture and not unsurprisingly we didn't put ourselves through any of the sequels.

Right. Back to 'Warm Bodies'. Apparently someone, somewhere, some when, said there was only seven basic plots; I thought it was Cecil B. DeMille but a quick google search didn't leave me any the wiser. 'Warm Bodies' can be summed up as Boy meets Girl, Boy loses Girl, Boy wins Girl back. I would describe it loosely as Romeo, (The zombie is called 'R'), and Juliet, (The girl, played by Teresa Palmer, is called 'Julie'). Its a warm (Zombies don't eat the dead), sweet (There must be some reason they always go for the brains), genuinely funny (No belly laughs, that could quite a mess in this genre of movie), quirky, love story.

As a zombie movie its not great, there's some plot holes you can drive a truck through and its a little slow in places. Mind you, when I said that to Davey during our post-mortem chat about it he did ask, 'What did you expect from a zombie movie?'. Smart arse! But it appealed to my gothic sensibilities. Had I my own Julie, I would definitely take them to see it and I'm waiting for it to come out on dvd over here so I can snaffle it for my collection of the weird.

I found it to be a fresh take on the standard zombie template. I would tell you how it achieves that but I don't want to spoil it for you.

That is all......

Welcome to my world.

Hello and welcome to my first post. Been meaning to start a blog for a long time now, never seemed to get round to it. Thankfully my friend and mentor, writer Sam Adamson, stuck the proverbial boot up my backside and here we are. If you like the things I say here then that's down to his support and guidance. If you don't, sometimes it's hard to teach an old, (middle aged), dog new tricks!

Let me dive in by saying I'm nobody special. I'm not particularly attractive, I'm certainly not rich, I'm not especially talented, nor do my opinions hold any more weight than anyone else’s. I am relatively articulate and use writing as a release from the more mundane aspects of my life. Something you may get bored of hearing about as time goes on.

What follows will, I hope, be the quirky, occasionally, (I hope), humorous ramblings of an English, type 2 diabetes and bipolar disorder sufferer. I also happen to be unhappily married, (Let's not dwell on that.), father of three beautiful kids, cat owning, (Though I'm sure my cat Ozzy will dispute who owns who. In fact I'm sure when I feed him he's meowing 'Thank you, well trained human'.), pagan.

As for likes and dislikes, they are bound to pop up from time to time, ad nauseum. Should you choose to follow my blog you'll learn all about me warts and all. Not that I have any warts you understand.

I'll be pretty much be writing about anything that takes my demented fancy. Some things that will definitely come up are film, tv, book and album reviews, though not necessarily current. Health and health matters. Politics and religion, though not frequently I think. And anything else that pops up on my personal radar.

I would like people to suggest one subject a week, (It can be anything.), for me to sink my teeth into and I'll pick the most interesting and go for it.

I will from time to time use profanity. Only when I feel it's justified to drive home a point or to express genuine outrage, (I'm Bipolar, remember?), but any posts that contain such language will have a disclaimer at the beginning to warn you the reader.

Hope you enjoy the blog.

That is all...